Grief does not follow a schedule. It does not arrive in tidy stages that proceed in order and resolve cleanly. It arrives in waves — sometimes crashing, sometimes just a low undercurrent you carry with you for months.

You may cry in the car on the way to work and feel completely fine by afternoon. You may feel numb for weeks and then be undone by a smell, a sound, a dog that looks like your dog on the other side of the street. You may feel angry — at the vet, at yourself, at the randomness of illness and time. You may feel relief if your dog suffered, followed immediately by guilt for feeling relief.

All of this is grief. None of it is wrong.

Common experiences after losing a pet include:

• Crying, sometimes unexpectedly and intensely

• Numbness or a feeling of unreality — “I keep expecting them to walk through the door”

• Guilt, even when you made the best possible decisions

• Anger, which may or may not have a logical target

• Loss of appetite, or eating for comfort

• Sleep disruption — trouble falling asleep, waking early, or sleeping more than usual

• Difficulty concentrating at work or in conversation

• A strange aimlessness — grief for the structure and routine your dog provided

• Social withdrawal, even from people who care about you

• Feeling watched for, then remembering