Not all grief comes after. For many pet parents, the grief begins long before the loss — in the waiting room after a difficult diagnosis, in the watching of a dog who has begun to slow down, in the quiet knowing that time is now measured differently.

This is called anticipatory grief, and it is just as real as the grief that comes after. Dr. Erica Dickie, a certified Hospice and Palliative Care Veterinarian (CHPV) who has written extensively on the subject for the Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement, describes anticipatory grief as a legitimate and often overlooked stage of the loss experience. It includes the same emotional weight as post-loss grief: sadness, anxiety, guilt, helplessness, and an intense love that does not know where to go.

Anticipatory grief can also be complicated by a specific kind of guilt: the guilt of being the one who will make the final decision. Many pet parents who are facing end-of-life decisions for their dog carry a heavy burden. The power to end suffering is also the power to end life, and even when it is the most compassionate choice available, it does not feel simple.

If you are in this stage right now — still grieving a dog who is still here — please know that you are not borrowing trouble or catastrophizing. You are doing something deeply human: loving someone so much that you are already bracing for the world without them.